![]() The police caught Sally before she even got to the gift shop, “what were you thinking Sally?” I yelled, crying, as the police were hauling her away. Suddenly, it all added up, and I cursed Sally for ruining the plot of The Goldfinch. Then three things happened all at once, the alarms started to sound, I saw that “The Harvesters” was slashed from it’s frame, and Sally disappeared from view. I looked around the gallery room, and then I saw Sally running faster than I would have imagined possible, with the 21 Club knife in one hand and a rolled up painting in the other. Don’t you love it too?” I turned to see if Sally was even listening to me, but I couldn’t see her. This painting is one of a series on peasants working, but I love it, because it’s a diachronic, that is to say it depicts both the eating of food and the harvesting. We got to the room with “The Harvesters,” which is my favorite painting. Of course I should have known better, because there was a mischievous glint in her eyes, so what she did next, well, I feel partly responsible. This is the generous side of Sally that makes her such a dear. “Oh I won’t, I’ll loan you my copy if you want,” she said. “No Sally, I haven’t read it yet, I hear it’s supposed to be good, I know it has to do with a painting, but please don’t spoil it for me.” I said. Sally only gave them a penny, “Sorry I’m a struggling artist,” she said. “Have you read the Goldfinch?” Sally asked me after we finally got through the line. So we walked up through the park to the museum. Let’s walk through the park and go into the MET,” Sally said. “Maybe we should go for a little walk aunt Sally?” I suggested. I didn’t believe for a second that aunt Sally knew how to use Venmo, but I got a charge a day later for $74 with the header, “tinis.” And then a request one for 2 million, with the header, “lol Bail?”Īfter lunch I was fuming and dear aunt Sally was drunk. Do you just want to pay and I’ll Venmo you later?” And then she slid a sterling silver knife and the Christofle salt shaker into her purse. ![]() I was getting slightly annoyed with my dear aunt Sally, but then when the check came, she asked me, “How do you want to divide this check? I only had Martinis after all. And then, when I ordered a dessert she asked the waiter for an extra spoon, and ate over half of my profiteroles. “I’m not that hungry,” she said, but she ate like three of my oysters, and at least half my fries. Makes their prices more reasonable.” Sally said. I didn’t think it was good idea, but I was hungry. ![]() Her mental state was precarious after the toys were almost burned up, and this was multiplied by the fact that she was on her fifth Martini. On the day in question, I was watching Toy Story 3 with my dear aunt Sally, and of course she hadn’t seen either of the first two, so she kept asking me questions, like, “Who is Woody?” and “Where is Andy going to college? State school I bet.” This was bad, but it wasn’t the inexcusable action that I’m hoping you will excuse her for. It is to spare Grandma this gossip that I plead for your excusal. What makes what Sally did exponentially worse, is that Grandma is still alive to see it, and Grandma has to face the other old ladies in her building, with them all whispering about Sally. (Although, we all think that she did kill a man, in Nam, but she doesn’t like to talk about it.) I won’t say that her hair hubris drove her to do what she did, but it doesn’t help, and let’s all remember, it’s not like she killed a man. It’s like straight enough to cut a diamond. She is underweight, with cartoonish silver hair. I don’t mean to say that Sally is an alcoholic, I mean she does drink, but stones in a glass house or something. She’s like the female version of Benjamin Button, except with things like drinking liquor before beer. She’s been doing things out of order her whole life. It happened last weekend, and I don’t even know how to rationalize it, except to say that neither math nor morality are her strong suit.īefore I tell you the specifics of her crime, from my objective perspective, let me explain a little bit about Sally. My dear aunt Sally did something inexcusable.
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